Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How to Worry Less and Enjoy Life More
Alice Lesch Kelly
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Do you have trouble going to bed at night when there’s a mess in the kitchen? Do you think you would be happier if only you could lose weight, be a better parent, work smarter, reduce stress, exercise more, and make better decisions?
You’re not perfect. But guess what? You don’t have to be.
All of us struggle with high expectations from time to time. But for many women, the worries can become debilitating–and often, we don’t even know we’re letting unrealistic expectations color our thinking. The good news is, we have the power to break free from the perfectionist trap–and internationally renowned health psychologist, Dr. Alice Domar can show you how.
Be Happy Without Being Perfect offers a way out of the self-imposed handcuffs that this thinking brings, providing concrete solutions, practical advice, and action plans that teach you how to:
• Assess your tendency toward perfectionism in all areas of your life
• Set realistic goals
• Alleviate the guilt and shame that perfectionism can trigger
• Manage your anxiety with clinically proven self-care strategies
• Get rid of the unrealistic and damaging expectations that are hurting you–for good!
Filled with the personal insights of more than fifty women, Be Happy Without Being Perfect is your key to a happier, calmer, and more enjoyable life.
From the Hardcover edition.
sometimes like I have a split personality—there are areas where I really push a lot and others where I don't really care. I constantly catch myself being a perfectionist as a parent and in my career. But in other areas I'm happy to let things go somewhat—at home, for example, and with my appearance. I've taken on parts of my father, who drove himself relentlessly in his career, and my mother, who felt comfortable amid clutter and wore no makeup aside from an occasional daub of lipstick. My mom
more optimistic about the upcoming week. • Were more likely to have made progress toward personal goals. • Reported higher levels of the positive states of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness, and energy. Practicing active gratitude helps you see how full your life is, and it allows you to put negative experiences into perspective. Perfectionists find that practicing gratitude focuses their attention on what they do have and can do rather than what they don't have and can't do.
“We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.” I mention this because I think it applies especially well to relationships. Often we don't see other people as they are, but as we are—especially if we are perfectionists and we expect others to live up to the standards we set for ourselves. Without even realizing it, our own cognitive distortions can give others motives, emotions, and intentions that they don't have. Cognitive distortions can blow others' comments or reactions out
advice. You feel annoyed when she doesn't follow it. Tell yourself: “Isn't it great that she is an independent thinker who is willing to go out on a limb and do things unconventionally?” * * * Distortion: Fallacy of fairness Example: Your child develops a learning disability, and you take it as a huge unfairness personally directed at you. Tell yourself: “It's normal to feel disappointed and sad about challenges that face my child in the future. But this is not about me, it's about her.
feel better about the decisions they make. “The trick is to learn to embrace and appreciate satisficing, to cultivate it in more and more aspects of life,” Schwartz writes. “Becoming a conscious, intentional satisficer makes comparison with how other people are doing less important. It makes regret less likely. In the complex, choice-saturated world we live in, it makes peace of mind possible.” RELAX * * * Perfectionists can spend half an hour deciding which jeans to wear. You get stuck